Wrapperlicious Speaks

The Day I Was Set Free From The Shackles of Abuse.

On September 14^th, 2010, my fairytale life, from the outside looking in, was thrown a swift curve ball so fast, that it would make any professional player look like a Rookie. I’ve experienced many life altering experiences, but on this particular day, I was finally set free. Set free of the shackles called abuse, fear, degrading, unhappiness, misery, depression and everything else in between.

On September 14^th, 2010, my husband, the sole provider of the family, was arrested for aggravated assault of a family member. I guess I am still alive, because it is meant for me to write my story and to possibly help another lost sole experiencing mental and/or physical abuse. September 14^th was a horrific evening of being dragged forcefully by my feet off the bed and through the house like a rag doll, choked until I begun to pass out, shoved around, belittled, cursed out, slammed against the wall and threatened with a knife.

I thought the evening would never end, but I was able to escape to my neighbor’s house, badly shaken, at approximately 2AM in the morning. My neighbor forcefully said he could NOT allow me to go back to the house. He felt it was his civic duty as a human being to protect me from harms way, therefore he called the police. Thankfully, no major wounds were physically inflicted; all of my bumps and bruises healed in about a week, but the indelible scars of that early morning will last a life time.

Although my husband snapped that evening, I too have to take responsibility for that evening. Yes, no one deserves to be treated like that, but I too am responsible for the accounts of that evening. Why? Because September 14^th did not happen overnight, it happened over the course of years. September 14^th was the worse of the physical abuse, but I endured years and years of mental abuse. I allowed my husband to rob me of my joy. I allowed him to belittle me and say I wasn’t a good mother, to tell me I did not do most things right, to tell me I was nasty, dirty, lazy, to tell me I did not wash clothes right, to tell me I did not load the dishwasher right. He also did not like me to use the computer, he did not like me to have friends, he did not like me to text, he did not like me to talk on the phone, he did not like when I went out with my friends, he did not like when I did most things that did not revolve around him. Anything that took my attention away from him, he did not like. If you do not know, these are all red signs of abuse.

I had tried talking with my husband. I tried counseling with my husband. I tried reasoning with my husband. I tried having more sex with him, because he claimed if he had more sex, then he would have a better attitude. Uhhh…that did not work, nor last long. I tried showing him how much money I was making from my little business, Wrapperlicious. I tried all soughts of things, but it was never good enough for him. I was never good enough, then I began to believe that I deserved how I was being treated, because I saw a lot of these signs in the beginning of our relationship and I made the decision to stay, therefore making me accountable.

Let me go back to why I said I too was responsible for the events of September 14^th. I am responsible, because after I exhausted all of my options to make things better, I stayed and made up excuses as to why I should stay. I stayed because he was the sole provider of the family and I had nothing. I stayed because I kept telling myself how could I care for all three of my children alone and with no money. I stayed because I was afraid of being without him. Closer to the end, he controlled all of the money and all of the bills. I had to ask him for money, even for toiletries, which is another red sign of abuse if you do not know that. He controlled everything and I began to believe that I could not survive without him. So again, I say that I am responsible for the events of September 14^th, because I had a choice . I could have left a long time ago and therefore September 14^th would have never happened. I too am to blame.

We ALL have choices in life and I was too afraid and naive to exercise my right to choose a better lifestyle for me and my children. Unfortunately, a choice was forced upon me the morning the system intervened and my husband was taken away from me on September 14^th, 2010. It was a sad, sad day, but a day that I was freed from a life of abuse, fear, degrading, unhappiness, misery and everything else in between. The day my new life began as a first time, single mother.

You know what’s even more amazing, a few days after my husband was taken away, all the flowers in front of my garden blossomed yellow, it was like a dark cloud was lifted and the sun’s rays was finally allowed to shine on my home and my wounded spirit. I viewed that as a sign of hope and better days to come, but that was far from the truth. Since the day my husband was taken away, our bank account was drained in a matter of few weeks. I've visited a food pantry for food. My house has since been foreclosed. One of my cars was repossessed and my 2^nd car was threatened to be repossessed as well. My lights were turned off and we lost the last bit of food we had in fridge and freezer. My cell phone was turned off. My Wrapperlicious business seemed to come to a sudden stand still. My washing machine stopped working. My heating system in my house has stopped working. My car’s dashboard light stopped working.

In the midst of Murphy’s Law hard at work, I have managed to keep afloat, stay amazingly positive and protect my children from the ill effects of life’s hardships. The day they turned my lights off without any type of warning, I sat in darkness and laughed. Two days later and freezer filled with defrosted food, the lights were turned back on. One of my cars were saved from repossession by a dear friend. My children and I have NEVER gone hungry. My cell phone has never been disconnected for longer than a few minutes. We’ve had several offers to stay with friends when my grace period is finally up on the house. When I'm feeling desperate because funds are low, I miraculously get an order from Wrapperlicious.com to carry us for a while. More importantly, the love and kindness I've been shown by new and old friends lets me know that I am rich beyond belief.

As you can see, although things seem like they are really bad for me, it always works out some kind of way. It’s about never giving up hope and staying positive.

The Moral of the Story….there is always a rainbow or a glimmer of hope when you believe there is none. I’m sharing my story because there is always someone who is worse off than you. I am sharing my story to let you know that if you are being abused physically or mentally, you have a choice. There are TONS of organizations out there to help you get back on your feet and you too can survive on your own. If you stay in an abusive relationship, you too are responsible for the outcome, because you do not have to stay. On September 14^th I could have died, but I am still here to write my story and to tell you, you are worthy of a better life. You are a blessing and a gift to this earth and you are worthy of being treated no less than like a Princess or a King. Look at me as an example and get out while you can, because you too are responsible for your actions.

When you think you are going through a rough patch, look at my story, maybe you are experiencing something worse, but try your hardest to seek the lesson and learn from it. I am not ashamed of my experience, I’m grateful for it, because I too can now become a blessing to another lost soul. I am now a vessel of hope for those who feel they have no hope. I am walking through the fire bruised and abused, but Baby, I’m still walking, maybe with a limp, my heels a little run over and my purse a little empty, but my head is still held high. I’m surviving and so can YOU! Before, I was living to die, now I’m breathing and I’m living for life. Which will you choose? Use your experience and become a vessel for others to learn and grow from. Whether you are challenged, physically, financially or even mentally, look for the lesson, look for the positive and become a visionary of hope for another.

I’ve asked myself for many, many years, what is my purpose here on earth. Perhaps my purpose is to bestow my experience and my wisdom on others and add a little sunshine on their darkness.

I have yet to meet a stranger in my life. I love you. We all deserve to be happy no matter what you are going through. Use the negative and look deep for the positive. You can do it. If you don't see a positive to the worse situation, email me, I'll find it for you. I'll promise you that.

Wrapperlicious Keeps It Real: Wrapperlicious Goes To Hollywood - Am I Being Punked

Wrapperlicious Keeps It Real: Wrapperlicious Goes To Hollywood - Am I Being Punked

Wrapperlicious Goes To Hollywood - Am I Being Punked

When my husband lost his job two years ago, yes, I panicked. I was like WTH!!! When one needs extra funds, you learn to become creative as hell to make ends meet. And let me tell you, I know how to rob Peter to pay Paul...LOL. And that's when I created Wrapperlicious. Now I tell my husband all the time, "Thanks for sucking at your job Rob! You Suck! But, Thank You!"

But the point is, when you are faced with an adversity, you have to step back and look at the situation and say, "is this a blessing or is this a curse." Is this happening for a reason, if so, what is the lesson, where will this ordeal lead and/or teach me?

Well, Wrapperlicious was invited to the Disney Teen Choice Awards Gifting Suite in Hollywood. I had an amazing group of people help me get there, from flight arrangements, housing, to someone to care for my children. All the pieces came together like butter. My flight getting there was perfect. My neighbor graciously offered to care & love my children while I was away for a day. Life was perfect, just moving along without a hiccup.

The day of the show arrived and everything ran smoothly. My booth setup came out nicely, both Heather and Katie did a great job helping at the event. I mean everything was going lovely. The booth stayed busy nonstop. Celebrities waited patiently to see Wrapperlicious' hottest items, called Hair Candi. The day was totally INSANE with energy. I even had someone approach me about having my products in 150 of his stores. The day couldn't get any better.

After the show, we went out to celebrate and eat at this amazing little Mexican restaurant in California called, Eltepeyac. YUM! The line was around the corner, but it was worth the wait. Stomach was full, now it was time to repack my bags and head back to the airport for the redeye flight back to Houston. Sounds simple enough right. NOT!!!! The problem is that I was flying standby. Everybody and their mama wanted to fly the same weekend that I wanted to fly. How dare they. Okay, so now the real adventure & test of patience begins.

I did not get on the redeye flight at 12:34am, because it was overbooked, therefore I had to wait at the airport 6 hours for the next flight. I didn't want to have Ms. Heather pick me up, because I knew she had to work in a few hours. Being considerate, I said to myself, "Joy you are a soldier, you can do this. You can wait this out." I headed to Baggage Claim to retrieve all of my bags, which weighed over 140 pounds. Okay, no problem, I work out, I can do this. I then took a seat with about 5 other tired people and tried to get comfortable on the hard chairs and take a little nap. It was approximately 2am when the cleaning staff began to mop & buff the airport floors. So I guess there's no way I could sleep through that loud, annoying noise and I was cold as double hockey sticks too. Burr.....

I made it through the 6 hour wait game without a wink of sleep, a sore neck and a knot in my back. I RECHECKED my bags and headed back to the gate, ready to board the plane. NOT!!! There were too many standbyers and I, once again, did not make the cut. My bags were sent BACK to Baggage Claim. I go BACK downstairs and retrieved my 140 pounds of luggage and retook my hard, uncomfortable seat. Not discourage, I told myself, I'm gonna get on the next flight. Long story short, I was turned away FOUR times with no other outbound flights looking promising.

TWELVE hours later, I gave up, I let my pride go and called Ms. Heather and begged her to get me outta there!!! I endured a total of 24 hours of no sleep, no food and total exhaustion. Every inch of my body ached badly from walking around with two big suitcases, 1 big duffle bad, my laptop bag and another big bag that contained my banners & stands. While waiting for Ms. Heather to pick me up, I rec'd an urgent text on my cell phone that basically stated, "Pay your damn bill or get your damn phone turned off." WTH...not now...I don't have my credit card with me!!!! I immediately called Sprint, told them about my ordeal and the lady gave me an extension on top of an extension.

When Ms. Heather finally arrived, she gave me a big hug and took me out to eat at Cannataros, another YUM-YUM spot. Still tired, Ms. Heather said, "would you like to go back to the house and get some rest." I said, "No way, let's hang out!!!" She said, "Well I'm hanging out at church." I said, "Bring it on, but I need a church shirt, let's go shopping." I found the cutest shirt at the fashionable Target. LOL.

We go back to her house to drop off my 140 pounds of luggage and to freshen up. We head to church and the message felt like it was meant for me. I'm feeling great, despite the 12 hours of torture I just endured. As we are leaving church, I turned my phone back on, only to be met with 16 urgent messages. I proceeded to listen to my VM and to my dismay, there was lots of yelling & cursing. My dear husband was stuck in Oakland! Now is that really my problem, because I'm stuck in CA fool! What can I do for YOU! NADA! Needless to say, he was annoyed because he did not have his credit card and guess what, NEITHER DID I!!! But hey, I had Ms. Heather. Bless her heart.

Ms. Heather said, let go have dessert! Sounds good to me. We had dessert at Marie Calanders. OMG...Delicious!!! Dessert always solves everything...temporarily that is....LOL

I almost forgot to mention that my poor neighbor had no plans to watch my kids for days & days. I think the worse part for me is burdening her with my children, I feel horrible. So she has my three children, plus her two boys. I was wondering if they tied her up and stuffed her in a closet. I called and told her how sorry I was. She put me at ease and "said" everything was okay, but I know she is cursing me...LOL. I am truly sorry for putting you through this Ms. Barry.

By the time we made it back to the house, I could barely keep my eyes open. I barely undressed before I passed out. I was...so...tired, but before I had a chance to close both of my eyes, I noticed a few ants in the bed. OHHHHH NOOOOO!!!! Totally exhausted, I didn't have enough energy to shoo them away, I just layed down and passed out. The ants and I are best friends now....but my luggage is now infested. ARGH!

Today is a new day and I am STILL stranded in California, with no way out and the standby list still FULL!!!! My poor neighbor still has my kids, I have no idea where or what happened with my husband, my car is still parked in an expensive parking lot in Houston and I had to shake my weave out to make sure ants weren't taking up residence.

The Moral of the Story is, throughout this entire ordeal, I stayed true to who I am. I never yelled, never sighed, never blamed anyone, cursed or cried. I wonder, is this a test of my character? Is it to teach me patience, endurance or an opportunity to further build my soldier like character? As Ms. Heather says, is this experience a curse or a blessing. I don't know...but I am very thankful for not breaking and for having wonderful people in my life path to help me through my journey of life.

So no matter what adversity you're going through in life, having a poor attitude will not change your situation, but it's an opportunity to learn and grow from the lessons bestowed upon you, because you too may not know if it's a blessing or a curse.

What Is Day Dating?

How many people do you know and maybe even yourself, who get married, have 2.5 children and then the marriage goes by the wayside?

Sometimes in the process of life, we tend to get so involved in the day to day survival, that we forget who we are. More importantly, we sometimes forget about doing special little things for and with the person we committed ourselves to. Unknowingly, we take our significant other for granted.

Once that disconnect in a relationship forms, it's never too late to rekindle what was once so beautiful. That is....if you want to. Take me for an example. When my family and I moved to Texas from New York City 5 years ago, I believe that was exactly the time my husband and I stopped connecting. We drifted apart like two polarizing entities. He worked late evenings and weekends and I worked days. We were coasting along, silently going through the vicious cycle of life. The typical day for me was: Make breakfast for the kids, get the kids off to school, rush to work, rush back home, pick the kids up, make kids a snack, rush the kids to activities, rush homework, rush dinner, baths, yelling, clean up mega mess and then pass out from exhaustion. And don't even think about sex. Who had time for that crap! This vicious cycle of life went on for 5 long years. The next thing I knew, it was as though I was living with a room mate who I only saw occasionally. Hmmmm...perhaps that's why we're still married...LOL

Throughout life's trials and tribulations, I truly believe everything in life happens for a reason. I got real tired of not having a life of my own, so I woke up one day and I told my boss that he could take this job and $%^&*. Okay, okay, okay, I didn't actually leave my job on those melodramatic terms, but Honey, you better believe I sure thought about saying it; with the Black Girl head & neck roll, hand on one hip, finger pointing & all...LOL.


Now that I had part of my life back, I was forced to look at my husband during the day while he soundly slept like a baby through all the morning chaos. Annoyed, I rolled my eyes, got into my Black Girl stance again, poked him in the back with my sharp, Lee press on nails and said, "Hey, Take me out to eat!" Equally annoyed, he looked at me with crust still in his eyes and said, "Alright, just give me 5 more minutes!" Hence, the birth of Day Dating.

We commit to dining two times a week for lunch at different restaurants in Spring, The Woodlands and Houston. We get dressed up as though we are going out for dinner and we enjoy meals at half the price. I must say, Day Dating has totally transformed our marriage. While the kids are at school, we spend much needed quality time together. In kidless peace and tranquility, we both enjoy yummy food and fine wine. As a result, Day Dating has given us a 2nd chance at this marriage thing. I look forward to playing dress up for lunch and he looks forward to seeing me happy and giddy like when we were dating, BEFORE attention hungry, life draining, always hungry, always wanting something, loud, snotty nose, messy, crying, fighting, dirty, sticky fingers, always touching something, germ infested kids came along.

Day Dating. I highly recommend it.

The Job of a Working Mom Is Not Easy!

The job of a working mom is far from easy. I can go on and on about the many sacrifices one makes in order to juggle one's career and motherhood. I recently had to make a very tough decision on whether or not to continue pursing my full-time job, break away from the workforce cycle and branch out on my own as a free agent and full time mother.

Well, I chose the latter of the two and I'm experiencing so many emotions. There's definitely the feeling of What the HELL did I do, but yet, there's another part of me that feels like I've been freed and the shackles have been removed. I know we're a long way from slavery, but when you work in Corporate America in order to sustain a suitable lifestyle that works for your family, you really do become a slave to your job. They control you, they control your money, they control your time and they have control over everything you do on their clock. And like obedient, slave-like individuals, we do as we say. And if there's something you don't like, in most cases, you swallow it and keep it in, for fear of the consequences that may follow. Hey, this sure sounds like slavery to me, but with better benefits and better pay.

More importantly, what's even more disconcerting, is that sometimes as a parent, we literally contemplate making unfortunate choices between going to work and knowingly sending your sick child to school or daycare. Why? Because of fear and the consequences we face at work. I too am guilty of not wanting my own precious children to inconvenience my job. Wow, the thought of that does not even sound right, but parents are faced with these choices everyday and we all dread that phone call from the school or daycare stating that your child is sick. So my question is, what's more important, your job or your child? Unfortunately, I have to say both, but we tend to respect the job more. Don't hate on me, I'm just saying what most people only think, but I'm saying it out loud. I'm sure when you get that call at work, stating your child is sick, you're like, "Damn it, I have to tell my boss." And you know you dread walking in your boss's office to tell him you have to leave....AGAIN! Why? Because you don't want to disappoint your boss and you want them to know you really need your job, but you can't do that if you're not around. No one is indispensable.

In my opinion, Corporate America really does not care about your personal life, their only concern is what goes on in the office and if you're meeting their expectations. Again, in my opinion, your personal life outside of the office is an inconvenience to Corporate America . Taking time off to care for sick children or visit teachers or whatever the situation may be, means taking time off from what Corporate America deems what's important; their bottom line.

Two years ago I found a nonprofit job that I thought would fit my lifestyle, because they were open to flex time and they claimed to really care about their employee's families. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. It actually worked out really well for two years. My boss was open to flex time, which then enabled me to avoid $1600 a month in childcare fees. I was so excited by the opportunity to finally save some much needed money, along with work for a company who I thought really cared. Well if something is too good to be true, then it probably is. Two years later, the company had a different agenda and no longer honored my flex time. I felt sick to my stomach. The thought of losing one entire paycheck to child care and precious time with my children was not on my agenda.

Moral of the Story: The wonderful thing about life is that we all have choices and I chose to put my family first. I chose to remove the shackles that bound me to that job, because I want control over my life. And as we all know, slavery IS OVER! And you better believe me, when one door closes, another one will open. I want to control my destiny and I refuse to be Corporate America's Bitch. "If you do not have big goals & big dreams, you will work reeeally hard for someone else who does." For me.....that someone will be me. Hey, if it doesn't work out...So What!

Wrapperlicious Clothing Swap, Shop & Network Extravaganza

Wrapperlicious's 2nd Annual Clothing Swap, Shop & Network Extravaganza was so much fun!!! Once I found the perfect pair of sized 3 jeans in a deep sea of clothing, I threw my hands up in the air and said, SUCCESS!!!! The jeans fit like they were made especially for ME, patiently waiting for that special moment when we would meet! It was truly love at first sight. Ahhhh...

Wrapperlicious's clothing swap was an exhausting journey leading up to the big event, but it was filled with so much joy & pride. The journey started with just an idea! I am the type that will act on most of my ideas and see what happens from my actions & efforts...HA! Anyway, in an attempt to simplify my life, I wanted to really clean out my closets of all unwanted and unused clothing, but in doing do, I also wanted to refill my now lonely closet. I pondered.....how will I manage that on a budget. Ah Haaaaa! My light bulb moment-- Clothing SWAP Anyone!!!! So with great effort and lots of team work with two of my friends, I turned my idea into a reality for many. It brings me so much joy to bring joy into the lives of many and I hope that was accomplished with this event. Wrapperlicious plans to host clothing swap events every 2 to 3 months. Whoo Hoo!!!

Also, in life you should be careful for what you ask for, because you just may get it! Gosh, I've been asking to hit the lotto for well over two decades....well...still waiting on THAT wish. LOL.

When I kindly asked to plug the clothing swap event on Great Day Houston, a local tv station in Houston, my wish was granted. It was an interesting experience, but well worth the cotton mouth I instantly received when the camera started rolling and the man yelled "ACTION." It was like I was having an outer body experience and my mind turned to mush and my legs began to buckle like overcooked spaghetti. And I thought I was destined to be a star. Not with cotton mouth I'm NOT! Tee...hee...hee. My lips became dry, you'd think I had been walking through the desert for weeks without water or had been eating white, powdered donuts. Trust me it wasn't pretty. Even Debra Duncan, the host of the show, asked if I needed some Vaseline for my donuts, I mean my lips...tee...hee..hee. Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration, but it was darn close!

After I got over my initial shock of 15 seconds of fame, it's event DAY! We had food, tons of prizes, give aways, mountains of clothing and vendors for almost every need imagineable.

This is Tammy. Tammy hosts bead parties and they are AWESOME. And you get a great piece of jewelry after her shows too. Well, let me tell you about Tammy. Tammy was AMAZING!!! She stepped in and helped with the set up and the tedious break down after the event. She was truly a blessing to us that day and thank you so much Tammy for being an AMAZING sport. THANK YOU!

Melissa was also there from Wildtree demonstrating how tasty and wonderful her goods are. And let me tell, if Bazzle buys something, Honey...it's GOOD!!! I love Wildtree. Thank you Melissa for attending the event and I hope you got some great clothing. I'm actually wearing my clothing swap items as I write this blog. Whoo Hoo!

Affordable Embroidery was also in the house representing samples of her AMAZING work and when I say AFFORDABLE, I mean affordable. Victoria Henry, the owner of this fabulous business, actually donated items for the give away bags and she designed my fabulous Wrapperlicious t-shirt.

There were many, many vendors there and I believe they all had a GREAT time. Sales were low, but the benefit of the swap made up for that. We all left the event with adorable pink bags filled with clothing and a great time.

Overall, Wrapperlicious's Clothing Swap, Shop & Network Extravaganza was AMAZING!!! More importantly, we were able to raise over 25 bags of clothing for the women's shelter, now THAT ROCKS! This is a picture of LaShun Foster & I dropping off the numerous goodies to the shelter. What a great feeling. I hope you are able to join us for the next Wrapperlicious Clothing Swap, Shop & Network Extravaganza, because it's an experience you'll remember for a life time. So stay tuned for a Wrapperlicious Swap coming your way soon!

Keep up with Wrapperlicious Events at: http://www.wrapperlicious.com/

The Moral of the Story is this: If you have a dream, idea or goal, it's up to you to make that dream a reality. I love the saying: "Failing does not make you a failure. Giving up, accepting your failure, refusing to try again DOES." So if there's something you want to do, act on it. You may fail, but that is okay too; dust yourself off and try again. You are your worse enemy, so FIGHT it and do the damn thing!

HOLLA!