On September 14th, 2010, my fairytale life, from the outside looking in, was thrown a swift curve ball so fast, that it would make any professional player look like a Rookie. I’ve experienced many life altering experiences, but on this particular day, I was finally set free. Set free of the shackles called abuse, fear, degrading, unhappiness, misery, depression and everything else in between.
On September 14th, 2010, my husband, the sole provider of the family, was arrested for aggravated assault of a family member. I guess I am still alive, because it is meant for me to write my story and to possibly help another lost sole experiencing mental and/or physical abuse. September 14th was a horrific evening of being dragged forcefully by my feet off the bed and through the house like a rag doll, choked until I begun to pass out, shoved around, belittled, cursed out, slammed against the wall and threatened with a knife.
I thought the evening would never end, but I was able to escape to my neighbor’s house, badly shaken, at approximately 2AM in the morning. My neighbor forcefully said he could NOT allow me to go back to the house. He felt it was his civic duty as a human being to protect me from harms way, therefore he called the police. Thankfully, no major wounds were physically inflicted; all of my bumps and bruises healed in about a week, but the indelible scars of that early morning will last a life time.
Although my husband snapped that evening, I too have to take responsibility for that evening. Yes, no one deserves to be treated like that, but I too am responsible for the accounts of that evening. Why? Because September 14th did not happen overnight, it happened over the course of years. September 14th was the worse of the physical abuse, but I endured years and years of mental abuse. I allowed my husband to rob me of my joy. I allowed him to belittle me and say I wasn’t a good mother, to tell me I did not do most things right, to tell me I was nasty, dirty, lazy, to tell me I did not wash clothes right, to tell me I did not load the dishwasher right. He also did not like me to use the computer, he did not like me to have friends, he did not like me to text, he did not like me to talk on the phone, he did not like when I went out with my friends, he did not like when I did most things that did not revolve around him. Anything that took my attention away from him, he did not like. If you do not know, these are all red signs of abuse.
I had tried talking with my husband. I tried counseling with my husband. I tried reasoning with my husband. I tried having more sex with him, because he claimed if he had more sex, then he would have a better attitude. Uhhh…that did not work, nor last long. I tried showing him how much money I was making from my little business, Wrapperlicious. I tried all soughts of things, but it was never good enough for him. I was never good enough, then I began to believe that I deserved how I was being treated, because I saw a lot of these signs in the beginning of our relationship and I made the decision to stay, therefore making me accountable.
Let me go back to why I said I too was responsible for the events of September 14th. I am responsible, because after I exhausted all of my options to make things better, I stayed and made up excuses as to why I should stay. I stayed because he was the sole provider of the family and I had nothing. I stayed because I kept telling myself how could I care for all three of my children alone and with no money. I stayed because I was afraid of being without him. Closer to the end, he controlled all of the money and all of the bills. I had to ask him for money, even for toiletries, which is another red sign of abuse if you do not know that. He controlled everything and I began to believe that I could not survive without him. So again, I say that I am responsible for the events of September 14th, because I had a choice . I could have left a long time ago and therefore September 14th would have never happened. I too am to blame.
We ALL have choices in life and I was too afraid and naive to exercise my right to choose a better lifestyle for me and my children. Unfortunately, a choice was forced upon me the morning the system intervened and my husband was taken away from me on September 14th, 2010. It was a sad, sad day, but a day that I was freed from a life of abuse, fear, degrading, unhappiness, misery and everything else in between. The day my new life began as a first time, single mother.
You know what’s even more amazing, a few days after my husband was taken away, all the flowers in front of my garden blossomed yellow, it was like a dark cloud was lifted and the sun’s rays was finally allowed to shine on my home and my wounded spirit. I viewed that as a sign of hope and better days to come, but that was far from the truth. Since the day my husband was taken away, our bank account was drained in a matter of few weeks. I've visited a food pantry for food. My house has since been foreclosed. One of my cars was repossessed and my 2nd car was threatened to be repossessed as well. My lights were turned off and we lost the last bit of food we had in fridge and freezer. My cell phone was turned off. My Wrapperlicious business seemed to come to a sudden stand still. My washing machine stopped working. My heating system in my house has stopped working. My car’s dashboard light stopped working.
In the midst of Murphy’s Law hard at work, I have managed to keep afloat, stay amazingly positive and protect my children from the ill effects of life’s hardships. The day they turned my lights off without any type of warning, I sat in darkness and laughed. Two days later and freezer filled with defrosted food, the lights were turned back on. One of my cars were saved from repossession by a dear friend. My children and I have NEVER gone hungry. My cell phone has never been disconnected for longer than a few minutes. We’ve had several offers to stay with friends when my grace period is finally up on the house. When I'm feeling desperate because funds are low, I miraculously get an order from Wrapperlicious.com to carry us for a while. More importantly, the love and kindness I've been shown by new and old friends lets me know that I am rich beyond belief.
As you can see, although things seem like they are really bad for me, it always works out some kind of way. It’s about never giving up hope and staying positive.
The Moral of the Story….there is always a rainbow or a glimmer of hope when you believe there is none. I’m sharing my story because there is always someone who is worse off than you. I am sharing my story to let you know that if you are being abused physically or mentally, you have a choice. There are TONS of organizations out there to help you get back on your feet and you too can survive on your own. If you stay in an abusive relationship, you too are responsible for the outcome, because you do not have to stay. On September 14th I could have died, but I am still here to write my story and to tell you, you are worthy of a better life. You are a blessing and a gift to this earth and you are worthy of being treated no less than like a Princess or a King. Look at me as an example and get out while you can, because you too are responsible for your actions.
When you think you are going through a rough patch, look at my story, maybe you are experiencing something worse, but try your hardest to seek the lesson and learn from it. I am not ashamed of my experience, I’m grateful for it, because I too can now become a blessing to another lost soul. I am now a vessel of hope for those who feel they have no hope. I am walking through the fire bruised and abused, but Baby, I’m still walking, maybe with a limp, my heels a little run over and my purse a little empty, but my head is still held high. I’m surviving and so can YOU! Before, I was living to die, now I’m breathing and I’m living for life. Which will you choose? Use your experience and become a vessel for others to learn and grow from. Whether you are challenged, physically, financially or even mentally, look for the lesson, look for the positive and become a visionary of hope for another.
I’ve asked myself for many, many years, what is my purpose here on earth. Perhaps my purpose is to bestow my experience and my wisdom on others and add a little sunshine on their darkness.
I have yet to meet a stranger in my life. I love you. We all deserve to be happy no matter what you are going through. Use the negative and look deep for the positive. You can do it. If you don't see a positive to the worse situation, email me, I'll find it for you. I'll promise you that.
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